Family problems-mom + cat (long story)

[ButterflyChaser]

The story:
Two years ago a friend of mine called me about a friend of his that needed someone to temperarly look after their cat (named Waldo) while they find a new appartment to move into that would accept pets.

They had called my friend first, but he couldn't do so, because he already has a cat and feared they wouldn't get along. A teenager of the family, or the owner, of the cat sounded despirate when they called me. She was in tears because she was afraid of having to send the cat to the shelter. Not liking the sound of it I wanted to care for the cat and asked my dad and pleaded with my mom.

My mom was reluctant from the start but obliged when I convinced her it'd only be for two weeks that we'd have the cat.

They came a few days later with a huge cat in their arms, and set us up with a litter bin and some food.

Well they came back only once to check on the amimal. The cat was sick with an ear and eye infection when we got him so we did take him to the vet once and my dad made a big fuss because he wasn't paying and they weren't going to check the cat unless they got payed right away. He called the previous owners and demanded they come over to pay for their animal. That lasted over an hour. They never came and my dad charged the fee. I wonder if mabe that may have scared the owners from ever returning? BTW the meds seemed to do little. Poor Waldo seems to always have a chronic ear and eye problem, even though the follow-up visit that year didn't reveal anything to be causing the discomfort. We guessed that it could be allergies.

Now they have moved a year ago and we have no way of reaching them. Past attempts to call them failed because they never answered their voicemail.

Honestly I never really wanted them to come back anyway. I love the cat dearly. My mom worked away from the house as a live-in caregiver. She'd grunt and complain whenever she visited, but overall she had little power or say in the cat.

Well ever since December 13 2005, that all changed when the client she loved and cared for passed away and she had to move back into the family.

In the span of two years the cat has became like family and been like my best friend who I love to snuggle and tease. I'd be heartbroken without him.

For that reason is probably what keeps my mom from making the cat disappear when I'm gone or forcing me to get rid of him.

I'm in a pickle. I really don't want to give up Waldo, but I am very sick of my mom yelling at the cat and occasionally threatening to kick him, suck him up with the vac, and all sorts of vile comments passing from her mouth. I have to grab the cat and seperate him from my mom on occasion because he likes to mew and cry at her for food when she's doing laundry. I can't forget to mention there is a medical reason for her not liking the cat, though I think she's using it as in excuse, perhaps to cover up some pain she had about having to give up a childhood pet that got hit by a car. Both mom and I have major sinus allergies to a variety of things from dust to pollon and dander. Both of us are tested positive to be allergic to cat dander. We have about the same degree of allergic reaction (according to a test long ago). I have put up with some discomfort because I love the cat. My mom doesn't.

I was hoping that if we kept the cat in spite of her whining and yelling, she'd eventually get over it and warm up to the cat, but I've waited over a month and that's not happening.

Also Waldo is two years overdue for an anual vet appointment and I'm not getting any support whatsoever in paying for it. He also suffers problem with twitching his head and limbs when he's laying down relaxed. (he doesn't seem distressed when it happens so I think I can rule out epolepsy sp?) That was a minor thing that he had the first year we had him but seems to be getting more frequent and affecting more than a single front leg.

Yeah this is tough and I'm not sure if you can offer any help really, but at least I feel a tiny bit better getting this rant off my chest.

Picts of Waldo:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Speak-to-da-paw-.jpg
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Yawn.jpg
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Old-pic-waldo-on-rug.jpg
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Waldo-my-cat.jpg
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Waldo-my-cat1.jpg
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Cats-eye-.png
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Partnersincrime-.jpg
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Old-pic-waldo-on-rug1.jpg
He hates being held but I do it anyway ;D
img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/Butterflyhornet/MyPhotos/Butterflysphoto4.jpg
Apologies for the crappy mug. The sunlight was bright.

[Nataliedee]

Oh, God. That sounds like one tough situation! >.< If I could help then I would, but I guess I cant exactly. I hope all turns out well for you... and Waldo, and your mum

[Cheetah]

She never actually kicks him right? I hope not... >O.o< When I left my dog in the care of my dad and stepmom they really DID kick her (I found out later) among other mean things.

You could always try some anti-allergen wipes and wipe the cat down every day with them. I have to do it with any strange dogs that come into our house because Brendan is randomly allergic to some lmao...

You could also ask friends to loan some money... like a few dollars from each friend etc. The CafePress thing didn't work?

[ButterflyChaser]

About my mom, she's a neat freak through and through. She just stops short of being like the excessive cleaners you see in shows like Wife Swap. She wants the house in order, no mess, no dust, and an empty sink at all times. (even one unwashed dish in the sink sets her off.) She cleans enough you'd think she enjoys cleaning, but she gripes a lot throughout the process about not getting any help. If there isn't something for her to do, she'll find something to physically exhaust herself over, then complain about it in the end.

My dad, sister, and I are on the opposite end. I could have the potential to be orderly and neat, but I rather not. Cleaning is not my first desire in life. Left up to our own devises, the house goes to crap, getting cluttered and messy. Broken things don't get fixed and so on... I'm also suffering some sort of depression or arthritis that's exhausting me and leaving me needing to sleep most the day, so I cannot help like I could if I had more energy.

What we really need is balance in the house. My dad, sister, and I need to become less like slobs and my mom less a neat freak. It doesn't help that my mom is in a crappy mood anyway because she is still grieving over the loss if her client. That seems to be clouding over her mood and judgment at the time being.


Her new motto since her client died:

If it becomes a problem, get rid of it.

That's how she feels about the cat and wants us to feel.

Getting rid of excessive stuff is not necessarily a bad thing. I appreciate the hard work she's done to make the house more inhabitable, but when she says that about my cat, in my mind, she is going too far.

She never actually kicks him right? I hope not... >O.o< When I left my dog in the care of my dad and stepmom they really DID kick her (I found out later) among other mean things.

No she doesn't that I know of. She may have nudged him with her foot, but that doesn't hurt. But I can't say. I think it's more verbal than anything. If he goes into her room she screams loudly to scare him. She has turned the vac on on occasion. She wants to hold him down and vac the loose hair off. As convenient of an idea as that sounds, I know it won't work. I tried that once and decided that I would not do that again unless I can help the cat overcome his fear of anything that makes a motor sound. I fear he would rather bust his back than being held down with a vac. I don't believe she's tried to hold him down for any purpose. She doesn't want to touch him even.

About the motor fear, I don't know what brought that on. Perhaps the fear was carried on from some terrible experience he had before we met him? He's terrified of blow driers, electric shavers, etc, even a pore cleaner that made a gentle buzz. If one of those appliances turn on for any reason, he'll flee to another room and hide. Maybe even hiss at it if it gets close to him.

Lately today and yesterday the cat has been in a foul mood. He used to tolerate my holding and hugging him better. I think with all the stress going on in the family, that's too much.

Yeah I need to work on my own problems too. Being insecure with myself, I like to carry him around and cuddle him. He's never been too fond of being held down and turned over on his back like one would hold a baby.

Not related per say but I could really use some good advise how to comb the cat, brush his teeth, and clean his ears without traumatizing him.

I was trying to comb him today for a long time because my mom was complaining about shed cat hair everywhere. His previous owners never did comb him, so he hates it with a passion. The best place is the bathroom, but now that mom's back, that's off limits. At least he was more calm in the bathroom. He was more likely to lay in my lap because it was such a small area. Now I have to force him in my lap and comb him. He does not like being in anyone's lap, except for rare occasions. Today he was squirming like heck and I was trying to hold him down.

He also has a terrible rotten smelling breath and plaque all over his teeth. We have no money to get his teeth clean, so ever so often, I try to hold his head steady to reach in his mouth. I tried today with just a dry toothbrush and that didn't get anywhere with the cat.

He bit me today a couple times so I'm leaving him some place quit until he cools down. Maybe we should all just leave him alone for the week.

It's hard though because he meows at us most the day and picks my mom (of all people) to meow at. His meows are like loud cries. My mom meows back by yelling at him. Mom thinks he's begging for food and has ordered us to feed him three times a day instead of two. I was trying to go by the vets recommendation which was 1/2 cup a day.

Also tips in how to build the cat's confidence around vacuum cleaners would be helpful. My mom likes to vac the house every day and it stresses the cat out.

[dreempup]

Cats will usually try to bug the person that least likes them. Like cats and allergic people. If my mom was doing that, I would say this to her, wether or not I got in trouble.
"The cat may be a problem for you, but not for me. I've been a problem for you many times, and I'm sure so has dad, and a lot of people, but you don't get rid of them. I'm sure your thinking, yeah, but this cat isn't family, but he's family to me. I love him so much, and I would tihnk you wouldn't want to hurt, or get rid of things that make me happy. I would have thought you'd want me to be happy!"
I honstly wouldn't care if I got in trouble. I've said things like that to my mother before if she's doing something like that.

[Cheetah]

BC, your mom sounds like my stepmom... >X.x;< She's never satisfied unless she has something to scrub clean and bitch about lol... and she hates cats (thank GOD I live on my own now!).

Anyway, most cats are afraid of vacuum cleaners/blow-dryers/etc. just because they're loud and unnatural. So that's nothing abnormal.

As far as your mom wanting you to feed him more times a day, still go by the vet's recommendation, but just spit that 1/2 cup into 3 daily meals. I'm having to put my cat on a 1/2 cup per day diet too lmao...

And the way you describe the twitching sounds kindof normal... like his paws/ears/back twitch when he's relaxed? My cat does that often. I'd still ask the vet since I haven't actually seen this twitching you are talking about... I would also get him vaccinated while you are there if he hasn't been in 2 years >O.o;<

[ButterflyChaser]

dreempup said:

Cats will usually try to bug the person that least likes them. Like cats and allergic people. If my mom was doing that, I would say this to her, wether or not I got in trouble.
"The cat may be a problem for you, but not for me. I've been a problem for you many times, and I'm sure so has dad, and a lot of people, but you don't get rid of them. I'm sure your thinking, yeah, but this cat isn't family, but he's family to me. I love him so much, and I would tihnk you wouldn't want to hurt, or get rid of things that make me happy. I would have thought you'd want me to be happy!"
I honstly wouldn't care if I got in trouble. I've said things like that to my mother before if she's doing something like that.

I would pull that card, in fact I had to some extent, but to be honest, I don't think it'd be wise to do, because she's already on the verge of going off and leaving us all. She threatens to go away or commit sucide, etc.

She's obviously not happy with herself so I'm not sure I want to make that worse.

(thank GOD I live on my own now!)

I'm working on that but my priority is to get some kind of income + health care. Because I have a disability that makes things harder, but I am working on it bit by bit. I'm trying to apply for SSI which the governmnt is taking their sweet a$$ time ) I'm also working with some local services like Independence First.

Eventually I *DO* want to just leave every one of them, no offense. The stress is klling me.

Right now I'm also afraid of the stress of doing things like paying bills, going shopping, etc. Sounds silly, but on some occasions I can be extremely overwhelmed to the point of an anxiety attack.

If it wasn't for that I'd be gone, but then I fear so would be my cat. My fighting for him is what's keeping him in I think.

For the record I doubt she's goint to force me to get rid of the cat anytime soon. So you don't have to freat about that yet. It's just her griping that's wearing me down.

[Kishi Kat]

*is wierd*

Your mother is probably really depressed because her patient/friend died. I know that a lot of people tend to get attached to the people they care for and when they die, they just kinda...lose it.

(I don't know what your mom was like before, I'm just taking a guess)

I threaten my pets with all kinds of horrid things but never do anything. (I told my cat once "If you bite my toe again, I'm gonna pull your teeth out" I wouldn't ever do such a thing, even if he bit my toe off. So maybe it's just blowing smoke at him. (I also poke my cat with my toe when I want him to move it. Also push him with my feet. He seems to find it entertaining.)

Oddly enough, my cat likes the vacuum. He comes running when he hears it and will let us rub the hose on him. XD

Anyway, on topic, your Waldo ish a cute kitty.

[ButterflyChaser]

Kishi Kat, you're probably right, it's just she sounds so serious when she complains.

Well today she bent down and patted the cat on the head, which she told us. That's an encouraging thing. My hope is she'll get used to the cat and tolerate him of not learn to love him. I told her I was happy to hear she touched him and that's an encouraging sign. Maybe it will come in due time. it's just the grueling waiting period we all have to go through.

Believe me I can be pretty evil myself, so really I can't accuse my mom.

I do the foot nudging thing too, especially if he's standing in the doorway or trying to go through when I want him to stay at the opposite end of the door. Sometimes when I'm snuggling with him I'll rub his belly with my foot. He may try to bite it. Sometimes I'll rub him briskly with that puppet. That gets him mad and he will bite the dino extremely hard in the face. I feel nothing because my hand is well padded on both parts of the mouth. (no that eye was lost way before we got the cat) When he's done with any rough play, he'll get up and leave.

He has a habit of sleeping on my computer chair. I make the motion like I'm going to sit on him, but he gets off right before anything happens.

I also hold him in my lap and he will struggle and try to kick. I gently take hold of his ankles or put my finger between his paw pads and he can't kick anymore. Then I may wait until he calms down before letting him go. I'm hoping that eventually I can get him to be more relaxed when held. Sometimes I lay on my back and hold him up on my knees or my chest which he doesn't like for some odd reason. I'm guessing his previous owners didn't give him a lot of attention so this is all new to him even though I've been doing this stuff pretty much the whole time we've had him. The owners claimed he was 9 when they gave him over, so he's had a long history with them.

If he bites me usually I hold his face firmly and if I'm really mad, lock him in his carrier for about 15-30 minutes. Oddly enough somehow that not only broke his fear of being put inside the carrier, but now he prefers sleeping in his carrier to being with us, even if it's not locked shut. . I sometimes have to pull him out now to get his attention.

(well actually I think his fear was broken a while ago when I would hide food in there as soon as he got in.) It's also padded all around with cardboard so it's ultra comfortable. The carrier is big enough to house a small/medium small sized dog. The cardboard also shrinks the space and helps absorb the shock of being jolted around in normal carrying.

In spite of the occasional friction, Waldo and I get along quite well. He's the only cat I know that will nose his way under the blanket when I'm sleeping or relaxing and snuggle next to me with his body right up against mine and his arms and paw(s) stretched over my shoulder. It feels really good when he purs. Being under blankets and covered, does not apear to bother him unless I'm forcing him and he wants to be out somewhere, say meowing at my dad in the kitchen when he's cooking. (then again I've had no real experiance of owning any other cat to know if that is typical cat behavior or not.)

Sometimes, on rare occasions, he'll let me rest my head on his belly and pur.